I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
