All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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