Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
