why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize