i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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