evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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