My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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