So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
