I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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