The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I am one with the molecules
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
