But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
