btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
