watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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