not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
