apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
That's how pantless uber rides happen
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
