I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
