it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
