Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I wear drunk well.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
