I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
