Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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