The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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