I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
