im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
