I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
