at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
