"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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