She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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