im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
