Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
