I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
