we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I still have a little drunk in my system
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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