he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
