Don't make out with my wife yet
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
