some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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