SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
