she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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