I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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