drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
