Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
