I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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