Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
