in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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