i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
