At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
