I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
