I want to have your abortion
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
