What did we do last night that was yellow?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
