I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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