I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
