I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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