My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
