Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize