somebody snuck up and got me drunk
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
third nipple confirmed
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
