What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
