Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
false alarm, still single
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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