Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Randomize
