i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
