god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
