I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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